Key takeaways
- Girth usually matters more than length for comfort, so check the width before anything else.
- Measure something you already find comfortable and compare it to the product specs instead of trusting photos.
- Non-porous materials like silicone and glass are the easiest to keep clean, while porous jelly and PVC toys are best used with a condom.
- Curved shafts angle toward the G-spot or prostate, and straight shafts give even, all-over fullness.
- Any toy used for anal play needs a flared base or a suction-cup base, with no exceptions.
To choose a dildo, start smaller than you think. A slim 4–5.5 inch insertable toy under about 1.25 inches wide suits most beginners. Choose non-porous silicone or glass over porous jelly. Pick a gentle curve for G-spot or P-spot pressure, and a flared or suction-cup base, which is essential for anal play.
Scroll through any dildo collection and you'll find every size, color and curve imaginable. Some are sleek glass wands, some look startlingly lifelike, and at least one has a unicorn situation going on. The good news is you don't need to understand all of them. You only need to know three things about yourself: how much size feels good, what shape reaches the spots you like, and which materials are safe and easy to care for.
First, a quick definition. A dildo is a toy designed for vaginal or anal insertion. Classic dildos don't vibrate. They're about fullness, pressure and a rhythm you control. Some modern versions add vibration, warming or thrusting, and we'll get to those. Here's how to pick one you'll actually reach for.
What size dildo should you get as a beginner?
Size is where most first-time buyers go wrong, and it's almost always by going too big. A toy can look modest in a product photo and then feel very ambitious once it's out of the box. Starting small is never a mistake, because you can always size up later.
Length vs. girth: which matters more?
You'll see two measurements on most listings:
- Insertable length is the part that can actually go inside. It doesn't include the base or balls, so it's often shorter than the number in the product name.
- Girth is the distance around the widest part of the shaft. Some brands list diameter (the width straight across) instead. As a rough conversion, diameter is about one-third of girth.
For most people, girth matters more than length. You control how deep a toy goes, and the vaginal canal lengthens when you're aroused. Width is different: you feel it at the entrance from the very first moment. If a toy is too wide, enthusiasm alone won't make it comfortable.
How do you measure what you like?
Before you buy, grab a soft tape measure, or a piece of string and a ruler. Then:
- Pick something you already know is comfortable, such as a toy you own or two or three fingers held together.
- Wrap the string around its widest point.
- Lay the string against the ruler. That number is the girth.
- Compare it to the girth or diameter in the product specs.
This gives you a far better sense of fit than any photo can.
A simple size guide
| Experience level | Typical diameter | Typical insertable length | Good starting style |
|---|---|---|---|
| Beginner | Under about 1.25 in (3 cm) | 4–5.5 in | Slim, smooth, tapered tip |
| Intermediate | About 1.25–1.75 in (3–4.5 cm) | 5.5–7 in | Realistic or curved |
| Experienced | 1.75 in (4.5 cm) and up | 7 in and up | Larger realistic or fantasy |
Treat these as general guidelines, not rules. Everyone's anatomy is different. What feels amazing one day can feel like too much the next, and that's completely normal.
For a first toy, slim options are easy to get comfortable with. Try the Raging Hard Ons Slimline Dong or the compact Rock Candy Suga Daddy 5.5-inch silicone dildo. If you love the Suga Daddy's feel, it also comes in a 7-inch version and a 9.5-inch version, so you can size up without switching styles.
Which dildo shape is right for you?
Shape decides where a toy puts pressure. That's often the difference between nice and genuinely memorable. Here's what the most common styles do.
Straight and smooth
A straight, smooth shaft is the most versatile shape. It gives even, all-over fullness and is easy to control, so it's a solid first pick. If you'd rather your toy didn't look like anatomy, the Blush Avant D10 Silicone Dildo comes from Blush's artful Avant line and is made from body-safe silicone.
Curved
A curve angles the tip toward the front wall of the vagina, where the G-spot is. The G-spot is a sensitive, slightly textured area a couple of inches inside. With the curve facing toward the belly during anal play, the same shape can reach the prostate. Our G-spot guide explains how to find it.
The Shaft Model C curved dong has a realistic curve. The Icicles No. 88 glass G-spot massager offers firm, precise pressure. If you want that targeted feeling with buzz added, browse our G-spot vibrators.
Side curve
Some toys curve to the side instead of upward. A side curve presses on the walls at a different angle, which some people prefer, especially in certain positions. The Shaft Model N side curve dong is a good place to explore it.
Realistic
Realistic dildos have a defined head, veins and often balls. The head creates a noticeable sensation at the entrance, and the balls double as a stopper. The Blush Dr. Skin Basic 7 with suction cup is a budget-friendly lifelike option. The King Cock Plus 6-inch Triple Density Cock layers a firm core under softer outer layers for a more natural feel.
Textured
Ribs, ridges and bumps add extra sensation with every movement. Some people love them. Others find plain shafts more comfortable, especially when they're new to insertion. If you're unsure, start smooth.
Fantasy
Fantasy dildos are inspired by creatures, horns and tentacles. They're colorful, playful and often a lot of fun to look at. The Fantasy Addiction 7-inch Unicorn Dildo is a gentle way into the genre.
Double-ended
Double-ended dildos are long, flexible toys with an insertable end on each side. People use them with a partner or bend them for solo play. The Lucky Lady Dual Stimulator Double Dong is an affordable way to try one. For more shared ideas, browse our couples toys or read how to suggest a toy to your partner.
What is the best material for a dildo?
Material affects how a toy feels, how warm or firm it is, which lube you can use, and how safe it is to keep using. The key term to know is porous. A porous material has microscopic pores that can trap bacteria, even after washing. Non-porous materials can be cleaned thoroughly. For a deeper dive, see what body-safe actually means and our full guide to sex toy materials.
| Material | How it feels | Porous? | Lube to use | Good to know |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Silicone | Smooth and velvety, from firm to squishy | No | Water-based | The best all-rounder; easy to clean |
| Glass | Very smooth, hard and weighty | No | Any | Can be warmed or cooled in water; check for chips before use |
| Stainless steel | Hard, heavy and sleek | No | Any | Great for firm, focused pressure |
| TPE / TPR | Soft and skin-like | Slightly | Water-based | Budget-friendly; replace it if it turns sticky or cloudy |
| PVC / jelly | Rubbery, sometimes with a noticeable smell | Yes | Water-based | Use it with a condom and don't share it |
Silicone is the go-to for most people. Some brands use dual-density or "liquid" silicone to get a more skin-like feel. The Shaft Flexskin line is a good example, including the Shaft Model A.
Glass toys, like the Icicles No. 86 hand-blown glass massager, work with every lube type. They also glide beautifully and make temperature play easy.
Cheaper PVC and jelly toys sometimes contain phthalates, which are chemicals used to make plastic soft. Many people prefer to avoid them. If you choose a budget toy made from PVC or jelly, use a condom over it and plan to replace it sooner.
How firm should a dildo be?
Firmness is personal, but here's how the options usually feel:
- Firm toys, including glass, steel and firm silicone, give strong, focused pressure. They're great for G-spot and P-spot play.
- Soft or flexible toys bend with your body. Many beginners and people with sensitive anatomy find them more forgiving.
- Dual- or triple-density toys combine a firm inner core with a softer outer layer. They're sturdy enough to control but squishy on the surface, which is why many people find them the most realistic.
What kind of base do you need?
The base is easy to overlook, but it decides how and where you can use a toy.
Suction cup
A suction cup lets you stick the toy to a smooth surface, such as tile, glass or a sealed headboard, for hands-free play. It also gives you full control over angle and depth, which many people find empowering.
Flared base
A flared base is wider than the shaft, so the toy can't slip all the way in. Any toy used for anal play must have a flared base or a suction-cup base. The body can draw objects inward, and a toy without a stopper can require a trip to the emergency room. Browse our anal toys for options designed with this in mind.
Harness-compatible
If you want to use a dildo with a strap-on harness, look for a flared base that will sit securely in the harness's O-ring. Many suction-cup dildos work well for this, but check the base size against your harness first.
Do you want vibration, thrusting or warming?
Some dildos come with built-in motors. The Naked Addiction The Freak rotates, thrusts and vibrates. The King Cock Plus Triple Threat adds warming to the mix.
These toys can be fantastic, but there are tradeoffs. They're heavier and pricier, they need charging, and you can't boil them. If vibration is what you're mostly after, our guide to vibrator types and our vibrator collection may suit you better.
How do you use a dildo for the first time?
A few habits make the first time comfortable rather than awkward:
- Warm up first. Arousal helps your body relax and lengthen, so take your time with whatever gets you in the mood.
- Use plenty of lube, even if you naturally get wet. Choose water-based lube for silicone toys. Our lube guide covers the details, and you can browse lubricants here.
- Start with the tip. Go slowly and let your body adjust before going deeper.
- Experiment with angles. Small changes in position can completely change the sensation.
- Stop if it hurts. Fullness is fine, but sharp pain is not.
If you experience ongoing pain, bleeding or discomfort, check in with a clinician. Planned Parenthood is a good starting point for sexual health questions.
How do you clean and store a dildo?
Wash your toy before its first use and after every use. Warm water with mild, unscented soap works for most materials, or you can use a dedicated cleaner like Swiss Navy Toy & Body Cleaner. Let the toy dry completely. Then store it in a pouch or box, apart from other toys, because some soft materials can react when they touch each other.
Our full guide on how to clean sex toys covers each material. You can find pouches, cleaners and more in Toy Care & Essentials.
What should you check before you buy?
- Insertable length and girth, not just the length in the name
- A body-safe, non-porous material, or a plan to use condoms
- A shape that matches the sensation you want
- The firmness you prefer
- A flared or suction-cup base, which is essential for anal play
- Lube compatibility
Still torn? Take our private two-minute Find Your Match quiz. Every order ships in a discreet plain box with a neutral billing name, and shipping is free over $79. Unopened items can be returned within 30 days, which is one more reason to measure first.
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Frequently asked questions
Can I use the same dildo for vaginal and anal play?
You can, as long as it has a flared or suction-cup base and you clean it carefully between uses. Never go from anal to vaginal play without washing the toy thoroughly or changing the condom on it. Bacteria from the rectum can cause vaginal and urinary infections. Many people find it simpler to keep separate toys, or to use non-porous silicone or glass, which are easier to clean completely.
Can you use silicone lube with a silicone dildo?
As a general rule, no. Silicone lube can break down the surface of some silicone toys over time, leaving them tacky or rough. Water-based lube is the safe choice for silicone. If you really prefer silicone lube, check the manufacturer's guidance or test a small spot on the base first. Glass and stainless steel toys work with any lube.
How do I know if a dildo is too big?
A sense of fullness or stretch is normal. Sharp pain, burning or the feeling that you have to force it means the toy is too big for right now. Stop, add lube, or switch to something smaller. Comfort can grow gradually with relaxation and practice, so size up in small steps. If pain continues even with small toys, talk to a clinician.
Do suction cup dildos actually stick?
They do, on the right surfaces. Suction cups grip best on smooth, non-porous surfaces like glass, smooth tile, mirrors and sealed wood. They struggle on grout lines, textured walls and fabric. For a stronger hold, make sure the surface and the cup are clean, add a little water to the cup, and press firmly from the center outward.
Are jelly dildos safe to use?
Jelly and PVC toys are porous, so they can hold onto bacteria even after washing, and some cheaper ones contain phthalates. If you buy one, use a condom over it, don't share it, and replace it if it changes color, turns sticky or smells odd. For a long-term toy, non-porous silicone or glass is the better investment.
What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
A dildo is designed mainly for insertion and the feeling of fullness and pressure. Traditionally, it has no motor. A vibrator uses vibration for stimulation and is often designed for the clitoris, though some are insertable. Hybrid toys blur the line by adding vibration, thrusting or warming to a dildo shape. Choose based on whether you want fullness, buzz or both.
How should I store my dildo?
Make sure it's clean and completely dry. Then keep it in a fabric pouch or its own box, away from direct sunlight and heat. Store soft toys separately from each other, because some materials can react on contact and become sticky or discolored. Glass toys should be padded so they don't chip.
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